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Can You Be A Christian And A Swinger?

The deeper theological implications of this article’s subject lie beyond the scope of an article, but it will attempt to address the issue in brief. Readers are cautioned that faith, scripture interpretation, and even alternative lifestyles are objectively subject to interpretation and should be decided individually.

Keep mind that the category of Christian religions includes Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, Orthodox, Evangelical, Mormon, and various other Judeo-Christian philosophies, so what’s proper in one form of Christianity may be improper in another.

Come to that, the definition of “swinger” can also stand for a panoply of alternative lifestyles, including wife-swapping, poly-amorous households (more than two people in a committed relationship), open marriage (either partner has consent from the other for trysts), voyeurism (watching but not participating), cuckold/cuckqueen (watching while one’s partner has sex with another party without participating), some BDSM arrangements (where one partner only plays out their kink with a third party).

Can Christians Be Swingers?

On the surface, the Bible would appear to condemn swinging and any form of sex outside of wedlock at all. But a deeper study reveals that, as with many scriptural passages, it’s not nearly as black-and-white an issue as some people would make it out to be.

Just about every lifestyle besides monogamous heterosexual binary-gendered relationships has the same question regarding the resolution of faith and lifestyle. This includes most LGBTQ and BDSM practices, and countless niche interest communities besides.

One of the most outspoken Christian-swinger advocates is the We Gotta Thing podcast, hosted by the assumed names of “Mr. and Mrs. Jones.” They work with the support of some pastors and clergy. Their point of view is that the rules of religion are made by the fallible church, while the rules of faith are a matter of a personal relationship with one’s deity. Hence, if you come before God with a clean conscience, you are not at fault.

A sizable portion of Christian swingers is motivated by factors beyond their control. Take the case of a partner incapacitated sexually for any number of medical reasons: Is it fair for the other partner to resign themselves to never have sex again for the sake of fulfilling monogamous obligations? In these cases, even the most strict interpretation of Christian belief allows for exceptions.

The fact that there are Christian swingers’ websites for personal ads, dating, and hookups indicates that a group of people have at least affirmed the answer for themselves.

What Does The Bible Say About Open Marriage?

Let’s break it down by con and pro:

  • The Ten Commandments (Exodus chapter 20) expresses: “…not commit adultery…” and “…not covet your neighbor’s wife…”
  • Deuteronomy 23:18 states “…not bring the hire of a whore…into the house of the Lord thy God…”
  • Proverbs 5-7 go into full detail cautioning men against “adulteresses.”

However, we have to be careful not to read too much into this. “Adultery” was originally taken to mean sex between any man and a married woman who is not married to that specific man. Unmarried men and women who had sex were not considered to have sinned at all, but they were then compelled to marry.

As for coveting your neighbor’s wife, notice there’s no admonition against a woman coveting anybody else! In general, biblical rules about sex seemed to place the burden of sin upon the man, treating women as wanton agents with less free will.

On the pro side:

  • Moses himself had two wives: Zipporah, mentioned in Exodus chapters 2 and 18, and an Ethiopian woman mentioned in Numbers chapter 12.
  • Polygamy was a common practice. Kings David and Solomon each had multiple wives and concubines, mentioned in 2 Samuel, 1 Chronicles, and 1 Kings.
  • In Genesis, multiple wives are indicated for Lamech, Esau, Abraham, and Jacob.
  • Gideon and Abijah are mentioned with multiple wives as given in Judges and 1 Chronicles.
  • By the way, at no point does Genesis mention that Adam and Eve were married in a ceremony! They are referred to as husband and wife, respectively, but with no description of how they arrived at that state.
  • Many stories about sexual politics raise questions. For instance, in the Genesis story of Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot is shown offering his two virgin daughters to the Sodomites to appease them in place of having sex with his visiting guests. Lot specified that the city residents could do with his daughters whatever they pleased!
  • In Mark chapter 10, Jesus and the Pharisees have a conversation about divorce. Moses permitted divorce, but Jesus condemns it as a failing of man.

None of the above characters are shown to be condemned, rebuked, or punished for these actions. However, we could interpret all of the above as necessary compromises in a sparsely populated early world, or difficult interpretations of scripture. The bible uses the word “know” for “have sex with” often, for instance. At no point is the practice of taking concubines defined by law, yet it seemed to be the norm. And of course, sexual politics of the time treat females as property, which men trade like so many heads of cattle.

In any case, a great deal of what we define as modern marriage isn’t mentioned in the Bible either. For that matter, were we to fasten ourselves to classic Old Testament law, we would naturally be inconvenienced out of all modern life. Even the most devout Orthodox Jew or Mennonite has to make some exception for modern life that was never conceived of when the original laws were written.

How To Find Other Christian Swingers?

Start with your own partner! Really, this can not be repeated enough: Any alternative lifestyle is based on three principles:

  • Safe – All parties are free of physical, mental, and emotional damage.
  • Sane – All parties are in their right minds, without delusion, inebriation, or mental incapacity to make an informed judgment for their own good.
  • Consensual – Both parties communicate clearly, openly, extensively, and thoroughly and do not act until they agree completely.

It also bears mentioning that a yen for a threesome, or a temptation to have an affair, is not a good foundation for swinging. If a relationship is in trouble, swinging will not fix it. Successful swingers are rock-solid in their faith and trust in each other.

Best Swing Dating Sites For Christians

That all said, here are some starting points as far as Internet dating goes:

  • ChristianSwingers.com – Naturally.
  • AdultFriendFinder.com and its associated franchise/network of related sites caters to Christian swingers.
  • Fetlife.com has a swingers section, a Christian section, and some overlap between.
  • “Polyamory” might be a good keyword to search locally. Many major cities have alternative lifestyle social clubs. These groups meet informally once a month or so in social get-togethers called “munches.” Find one and introduce yourselves around.

While swinging Christians are a rare breed at best, they are gaining acceptance like any other alternative lifestyle. There is the stereotype that Christians would inherently be opposed to sexually complex topics such as swinging and porn. When it is all said and done, it’s between you and your Lord. Stay Safe, Sane and Consensual out there, and keep the faith in the way that makes this the best world for everyone!

Inez Beltran

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